Questions and Answers
A Piece of Pondering Prose
When we are children, we have endless questions. We repeat “why” over and over and over, not necessarily to be annoying, though when we know that works, we may pull it out of our arsenal every once in a while. But mostly we ask because we genuinely want or even need to know. We are seeking a more thoughtful answer, a deeper answer, because we really, truly and fully want to understand. And yet, ironically, as a child, we may not understand how deep and thoughtful we are actually being.
“Why” is a deep, deep question that seeks an answer way beyond just “because,” or “that’s just the way that it is,” etc. The question “why” demands and wants an answer. And yet, sometimes, the answers do not or cannot come.
As we get older, in theory, we become wiser. We seek answers to fill life’s questions. We must have answers. We need to have answers, and will not settle when we don’t. We’ll keep prodding and exploring and seeking through a variety of means, some logical and some, perhaps not. Or we may seek out the mystical and beyond what is standard.
As we grow into adults, we want to give answers more than we want to ask questions. Questions could be seen as weakness. We want to know and be the person who knows. We want to be “in the know.” We desire to be the “go to” guy or girl. Answers make us feel important. Answers let the world know how much we know. That we are worthy of a job or a position of authority, or to be put in charge.
And then at some point, of course, questions come back again. Questions about how best to proceed. How to handle certain situations. Work and task related questions, for ourselves and our mentors.
Then we go deep. How to understand and find meaning in life and meditating on “what does it all mean?” What is our purpose? What are we supposed to be doing with our one life? We question and ponder and wrestle with fulfillment and mortality.
And that sneaky little question of why comes rushing back in, but with far more urgency. Why? Why are we here? Why am I depressed and sad? Why am I happy? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good people who give so much of themselves suffer and die? Why do children die? Why is there war? Why is life so hard? Why do people misbehave and hurt so many others? Why is the world so angry and acting with evil and hate?
Why? Why? Why?
As we get older, we actually find that we don’t know the answers we thought we did. As we get older, we actually understand less and less, especially in today’s world, where so much seems out of place and different and wrong. We wonder how and why those who came before us sold old age and wisdom as being such an amazing thing, yet now we and they both feel very differently. With every ache and challenge and groan and frustration, we ask why.
Life is a struggle. Life is a battle. Life is suffering, and that seems to be part of life. A life lesson built into living. Many religions have their own explanations for this and what it means, but it doesn’t make it easier, even as we move toward enlightenment and the after world. Life is hard! But, as my father so wisely says, it is better than the alternative.
If our faith is strong enough, we are willing to continue to believe, even though we do not know why, and cannot answer many, many questions, including our own, and some asked by our own children and family and friends.
I don’t know… we don’t know… Sometimes that is dismissive or even a copout, but more often than not, it is honest and truthful and pure and whole, and an acknowledgment that there is something beyond just us. That there is something greater than what we see, and hear, and taste and feel and touch.
As we get older and move towards the unknown, yet the very known… it is even more important to continue to ask the questions. To continue to seek answers, not for ego or pride or even “knowledge” or a collection of facts and trivia and party tricks, but as a way of being present and mindful and alive. And if we do not know an answer that is okay. It is okay to be wrong. It is okay not to know.
It is not okay to lie or cheat or deny truth and fact, but it is okay to have faith in the knowledge that there are things we may not ever understand or will only understand in another time and place and plane of existence.
As my friend Rabbi Shlomo points out, especially during Passover, questions continue a conversation. Answers, at times, end it.
I think we all wish we had a greater understanding, an answer to many of life’s mysteries and tragedies and events. And yet, if we question with a pure and open mind, if we are genuinely seekers and seeking, then questions will move us forward. Questions will spur our minds to work and problem solve. And questions will bring peacefulness, meditation, or at the very least, mindfulness and awareness.
Seeking and a quest for knowledge and understanding are good things. Questions are good things. Answers are good things. But sometimes, not knowing and admitting that, and saying we do not know is also a good thing, a freeing thing, a living thing. And as a judge on Law and Order might say… “Asked and answered. Move on.”